Jesus Christ!
by anja-chan
Summary: Our four favorite pilots, well at least my favorites, Kira, Athrun, Yzak, and Dearka have a little discussion about religion. A Gundam SEED short. Please enjoy! One Shot.


_This is for those who enjoy Kira's patented Jesus-look. Ultimate love and forgiveness from the Ultimate Coordinator. Seriously, you can find this look in the anime and feel all warm and fuzzy inside. It happens many times, especially in Destiny. Just look times like when Kira's purple eyes get all big, the camera zooms in on his face, and he pats Cagalli on the back after he kidnaps her from her wedding. Yeah, inside, he's forgiving her for almost marrying an ugly bastard. Only someone like Jesus could do that._

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**Jesus Christ!**

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"I guess I'm an agnostic," Kira began, responding to Dearka's question of which faith he ascribed to. 

"FAITH?" Athrun asked upon entering the lounge room with Yzak who was wearing his typical angry scowl. Dearka set down his strawberry soda on the coffee table to wave and motioned for the two rivals to join him and Kira on the couch.

"They aren't talking about the acronym, idiot," Yzak stated, apparently still bitter about not being accepted in the most elite of ZAFT forces. He looked sideways at Athrun, and batted away the shiny silver pin Athrun was currently admiring.

"I can't believe they let you keep that after Dullindal got sacked," he barked before sitting next to Dearka. Athrun crouched to retrieve his fallen prize.

"So, Yzak," Dearka asked turning to Yzak curiously, "You're atheist right?"

"No," he retorted, "I'm God."

"You should probably stop being so blasphemous," Kira said, "You could unintentionally insult someone and their beliefs."

Dearka and Yzak looked each other in the eye before they both burst out laughing.

"I insult people on purpose, dimwit," Yzak said condescendingly.

"Hey," Athrun cut in, "Kira's bound to have a hand in your salvation, so maybe you should consider being nicer to him."

Yzak stared, obviously confused. Dearka turned to Kira and could see the wheels of thought turning in his head too. Apparently nobody knew what Athrun was talking about.

"So, uh, I didn't know you were . . . whatever you are," Dearka said slowly. He could have sworn Athrun was atheist.

"I'm newly converted," he said, clearing up the matter somewhat.

"To what?" Dearka pressed.

"The newest form of Christianity. Called Kirism."

"What the hell is that?!" Yzak demanded, pissed that Athrun knew something he did not.

"I believe that Kira is the second coming of Christ."

Dearka began laughing even harder, but Yzak developed a tic in his left temple. Kira still looked confused.

"Stop being so silly, Athrun," he said, embarrassed, "Pretending I'm Jesus does not count as a religion. You're just making fun of the truly faithful just like Yzak was."

Dearka stared at Kira in a kind of wonder, appraising him in a new light. He shifted his amethyst eyes to Athrun's teal ones, but clutched Yzak's arm. He began speaking as Yzak attempted to free himself.

"You know, you may be right . . . . Kira's always done the right thing, made the right choices, and has never sinned to my knowledge. It's like he's had some kind of divine guidance throughout his life or something. That must be why he wasn't killed in the wars and avoids taking the lives of others," Dearka finished like he had just completed a mathematical proof. Yzak's arm was released and he promptly used it to smack Dearka on the back of his blonde head.

"Let's not talk about how fucking perfect you all think Strike is!" When angry, Yzak tended to stop using Kira's name and revert to calling him Strike, the unit now-twice-destroyed-but-forever-hated-by-Yzak-Joule. As this occurred quite frequently, no one could ever recall Yzak calling Kira anything but 'Strike' or a list of profanities when Yzak felt he must speak to him.

"But now you see it too, Dearka," Athrun continued on excitedly, ignoring Yzak's icy glare of death, "And just wait, there's more!"

"Oh, c'mon you guys," Kira complained, his cheeks tingeing pink.

"What is it? Tell me!" Dearka asked, too intrigued now to care about Yzak or Kira. His eyes twinkled with barely suppressed laughter.

"Well, you've seen first hand Kira's powers of forgiveness," Athrun went on, sounding like a televised evangelist, "He has even forgiven Shinn—"

Dearka gasped for dramatic effect and Yzak punched him in the shoulder. Kira turned a little pinker.

"—who not only tried and nearly succeeded in killing him, but is a totally insufferable little bastard."

"Amen," Dearka agreed, nodding his head. Shinn's presence was, unfortunately, well known in ZAFT.

"Please you guys, we don't have to talk about this," Kira whined, now very red and a little pathetic.

"I can't believe I'm saying this," Yzak grumbled while looking the other way, "But I agree with him."

"But I haven't even given you the final piece of evidence—"

"Evidence?!" Yzak scoffed.

"—yet. Just listen: Kira must be Christ because one, he hasn't sinned. Two, he has the power of ultimate forgiveness and three . . ." Athrun paused, making sure he had everyone's full attention.

"Immaculate Conception."

Dearka exploded in laughter for a third time, and this time, even Athrun could not hold back. Several seconds passed before Kira's complaint was heard above the roaring guffaws.

"I said, I was not the product of Immaculate Conception!" he said shrilly.

"You were born out of a womb that had never, erm, felt a man's touch," Athrun pointed out snickering. Dearka was still laughing, but a stronger bout came over him as Athrun finished his sentence. Even Yzak was smirking now that he was positive Athrun and Dearka were making fun of Kira and not worshiping him.

"It was an artificial womb! Made by people!"

"Yeah, but God made people, so through transitive properties, God made the artificial womb," Athrun argued in between gasps for air. Dearka gave him a high five.

"Alright," Yzak said, glancing down, "I give in."

This shut everyone up quickly. Dearka looked at his friend next to him. Was Yzak accepting defeat of some sort? Something must be terribly wrong.

"Yzak?" came the worried query.

"You've proved that Kira is Jesus. I believe it."

"You mean, you've been converted?" Athrun and Dearka exchanged worried looks. It was obvious they had just been messing around, wasn't it? It was very unlike Yzak to take anyone's word from the get-go, so there must be something else going on . . . .

"Now," Yzak continued looking up again and grinning evilly at Kira, "Finally I can kill him so he can die for all your sins!"

With that Yzak leapt up and attacked viciously with his fists. Kira tucked up his knees to protect his vital areas and held up his arms in front of his face. Dearka and Athrun jumped to their feet and began to pull the two apart, Dearka taking Yzak, definitely the more difficult task, and Athrun dragging Kira away. Kira slowly uncurled from his fetal position, as Yzak shrugged Dearka off.

"Remember your salvation depends on Kira, Yzak. It's best not to hurt him. You're lucky he's so merciful," Athrun warned, acting serious.

"Like I care what damn Strike thinks," Yzak spat out, advancing again on Kira, although Athrun was still between the two.

Suddenly, Kira made a break for the exit. Yzak lunged around Athrun, reflexes sharp. Athrun, his back to Kira, intercepted Yzak moments before he tripped backwards over Kira's fleeing ankle and into the lounge table. This knocked Dearka's strawberry soda off and it promptly began soaking into the carpet.

"Jesus Christ, look what you've done!" Dearka shouted, scooping up the fallen soda can.

"I said, I'm not Jesus!!!" came Kira's resounding shout from down the hallway.

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_Thanks to Tobi Tortue for catching my typos, and I suppose my brother was reading over her shoulder, so... thanks. And I love all my reviewers! And if you are reading this for the first time, don't hesitate to drop a review. It's likely that you'll receive one in return...  
_


End file.
